The day Ulrika died

Ulrika ka ka, my beautiful Ford KA, finally breathed her last this week. After five months of sheer bliss together (sort of), taking her for a long-distance spin when she was on her last legs spelt disaster. 

High on fumes, running on empty and having narrowly avoided several collisions, I managed to make it to Fords of Winsford, a well-known used car supermarket in Cheshire. It had taken me five hours to get forty miles.

I got Ulrika parked in the humungous car park and bundled myself through the glass doors towards reception. A friendly looking chap greeted me and was sympathetic to my plight. What I really needed at this point was a hug, a nice cup of cocoa and… well, a new – and preferably free – car.

I sat down with a man named Paul Atherton to discuss my options, and we were joined by another lovely chap whose name I’ve forgotten (I blame the fumes) who was learning the ropes. They talked me through my options and it soon became clear that I couldn’t afford any of them. No surprises there.

But Paul was undeterred. Unlike most car salesmen (sorry for the generalisation, but there does tend to be a ‘type’), he was honest, helpful and resourceful. First he arranged for poor Ulrika to be ‘reappropriated’, for a better sum than I was expecting. He haggled hard on her behalf, and I was immensely grateful.

Then we looked for a smallish car that would get me from A to B with the occasional long-distance run thrown in. We found one that was just the job, but unfortunately it was reserved for another customer. We found another and the same thing happened… it wasn’t looking good. But then, third time lucky, we found a handsome little wagon that ticked all the boxes. A 2008 Ford Fiesta Zetec without even the slightest scent of burnt engine.

There were still a few problems to overcome though. I needed to secure the necessary finance… I needed Fords to agree to lend me a courtesy car for more than a week as my car needed to be thoroughly checked before I could drive it away… And I needed to source my missing V5 certificate to prove that I was indeed Ulrika’s rightful owner. I asked about 100 questions and Paul answered them all. He even threw in a free cup of cocoa to sweeten the deal (see what I did there?).

Once the paperwork was signed, he drove the courtesy car round to where Ulrika had conked out and we unloaded my many bits and bobs, furry dice included. I gave her one last stroke and managed to hold back the tears. It was time for her to go to scrapyard heaven, and time for me to get to grips with the Hyundai I’d be borrowing for a week.

After a quick demo from Paul, it was time for me to say goodbye to Fords of Winsford and its wonderful employees. No hugs were exchanged, although I gave Paul and his deputy an imaginary one (I hope they don’t mind if they’re reading this). I drove off into the freezing fog, toasty warm and excited about my new wheels. It’s going to be hard for my family to match the present I’ve gifted myself!

You’re probably wondering why I’m telling you all this. Well, it’s partly because I wanted to voice my gratitude to the guys that helped me in my time of need (including the lorry driver who stopped to help me on the side of the road and ended up making the problem worse… his heart was in the right place). 

And I also need name suggestions for the new car. At the moment she's called Fiesta ta ta (Fi for short), so if you think you can do better, add your suggestions in the comments section below. All sensible options will be considered! 

Finally, it occurred to me that we are bound to experience disappointments, breakdowns and losses in life. If things are going well for you at the moment, and I hope they are, be grateful! Thank the people that have helped you this year. Remember to enjoy the good times because you never know when they might end; especially if the Mayans have anything to do with it. If things aren’t going so well, I pray that the New Year will bring better times – don’t give up hope.

And with Christmas nearly upon us, let’s take time to remember why we have the fairy lights, the pigs in blankets and the warm mince pies: that Jesus, not turkey, is the reason for the season.

A very Merry Christmas to you from all of us at Sorted xxx

It’ll be lonely this Christmas

In three weeks’ time, Christmas will be behind us. The turkey will be gone, the presents will be dotted round the house in perfect piles for tripping over and every relative in the land will have been visited – probably twice. And hopefully we will all have remembered to celebrate the birth of Jesus at some point, too!

One of the saddest things about Christmas, though, is that many people don’t enjoy the perfect festive period the way some do. Many elderly people are completely alone at Christmas having lost loved ones, and a large number are unable to afford all the fancy trimmings. In fact, many struggle to cover basic costs such as heating.

Then there are homeless people, some of whom have to fight to stay alive in blisteringly cold conditions. For whatever reasons, they’ve fallen on hard times and now they are vulnerable to cold, loneliness and violence. Many are struggling with substance abuse.

And having done some work with Bristol International Student Centre (BISC) over the last few months, I’m also aware that a large number of internationals will find themselves alone and away from home come December 25. Imagine being thousands of miles away from your family and friends in a land that is cold and where the food is more than a little strange.

Finally, there are the people whose relationships have suddenly come to an end. Did you know there is usually a flurry of marriage/relationship breakups just before and after Christmas? Maybe it’s the stress of all the preparation, or the fact that couples actually have to spend time together that brings it on… Whichever way you look at it, this can make for an extremely sad and lonely time for the couple involved and for their children, if they have them.

So as you go about your Christmas shopping or plan what to wear to your office party, spare a thought for the people around you that might not be looking forward to Christmas. Is there anything you can do to help?

Maybe you could buy an extra gift for someone who doesn’t have any family around them at this time; a warm blanket for an elderly neighbour, for example. Or perhaps you could make an effort to include that person at work who is having a tough time at home. 

I’m not saying you have to invite every homeless person you meet over for Christmas dinner (although it might be that you could invite someone to share in your family feast), but small gestures can have a massive impact people who are hurting.

Many churches and charities host special services, meals and festive events for those that are alone or in need at Christmas time. Make an effort to find out what’s on offer and get involved. For example, my church has a Christmas hamper project that provides low-income families, single parents and those in sheltered accommodation with a basic meal and some treats on Christmas Day.

This is a great opportunity to share God’s love with people in a practical way. If you really can’t afford to give (and I question whether that is true if you really think about it), give of your time. Offer to help pack up the hampers or to drive them to where they need to go.

Don’t just turn up the Christmas tunes and zone everything else out. We remember at Christmas that God gave everything He had for us – His own Son – so let’s be prepared to give generously to others at this special time of year. 

Read more from Joy in the upcoming issue of Sorted magazine - out soon! There's still time to buy a gift subscription for that special man in your life...

Get yourself off to a flying start

Anyone who has ever watched Top Gun will have imagined (at least in their heads) that the planet will never be safe until their flying skills have been put to the test. 

Let’s face it, the Red Arrows would have nothing on us if we were to get behind the control yoke of a plane. I mean, our driving skills are already the envy of the roads, so just think what would happen if the cockpit was under our command…

If these thoughts have ever entered your mind, I have just the thing for you. British Airways (BA) is now offering flight training sessions in its multi-million pound, full motion Boeing or Airbus flight simulators. These simulators aren't like the ones you get a funfairs (although those can be fun too); these capsules are normally used to train professional pilots before they get to do the real thing.

It’s a bit dearer that a driving lesson, but imagine the rush you’ll get as you learn the skills that would make Maverick, Goose and the rest of the Top Gun crew stand to attention. You can take part in the training alone, take a friend along, or even arrange a corporate session for you and your workmates. The best part is, absolutely no experience is required. All you need is a passport to get through security and a reasonably clear bill of health, and the sky’s the limit.

Step one is a 30-minute pre-flight briefing in the Ground School, which will give you a detailed overview of the flight deck instruments, controls and systems. Once that’s over you actually get to press the buttons for yourself! In fact, you will be at the controls throughout the whole process, from take-off to touchdown, and all of the action takes place under the instruction of a fully trained BA pilot. The stunning visual effects, surround sound and advanced hydraulic motion systems will work together to convince you that you’re actually flying the plane.

If it’s a corporate session you’re after, various packages are available, with the potential for up to 24 colleagues to get involved. BA offers flight simulators and cabin simulators as well as conference and banqueting facilities for small or large groups. You may have been to team-building sessions with the work crew in the past, but this will blow all your other bonding experiences out of the… sky.

Corporate prices range from around £1,400 to £6,600, with flight times ranging from 30 to 60 minutes per guest. For this fair sum you get hands on experience, guidance from a proper BA pilot, refreshments and private room hire and, in some cases, additional cabin safety training. Providing your pilot agrees, you can even take pictures of the action to post on the work noticeboard.

Personal flight prices range from £399 for an hour’s session to £1,347 for a three-hour. If you’re stuck for gift ideas for the dad, brother or best mate who seems to have it all, nothing says Happy Birthday like an hour flying a Boeing 737. It could even win you a few brownie points with the father-in-law; especially if you go along for the ride. That way you get to fulfil your own flying dreams and make him a happy man at the same time. Heck, you could even hire the uniform and really get into character. Female flight attendants beware!

Read more from Joy in the upcoming edition of Sorted magazine, out soon.

Nick Vujicic goes out on a limb

Imagine being born without any arms… that would make simple things like cleaning your teeth pretty tricky. I broke my shoulder a couple of years ago and was amazed how difficult everything was with just my right arm out of action.

Now imagine being born without any arms or legs… Well that’s what happened to Nick Vujicic, who was born with a rare condition called tetra-amelia syndrome.

In place of his legs was a small foot with two toes, which allowed him to learn a number of key skills as he grew up, but early life was extremely tough for the young Australian.

Struggling to perform the mundane tasks most people do without a second thought, Nick was bullied mercilessly and became very depressed. In fact, he tells me in an interview for Sorted that he was so down as a child he became suicidal, and if it hadn't been for his parents’ deep love for him and his for them, he would have taken his own life at the age of ten.

How would he ever get a job? Or have a family? What was the point in going on?

But life certainly wasn't over for Nick; it turns out there were lots of reasons to keep going. Ever done a skydive? Nick has. Ever travelled to 44 countries to share your story with millions of people? Nick has. Ever set up your own company or written a series of books? The list of what Nick has achieved just goes on and on.

I first saw this guy on Russell Howard’s Good News. He appeared in the end section, when Russ picks his favourite good news story of the week and shares it with his viewers. In the clip he showed, Nick was speaking to a group of school kids. They were captivated and visibly moved by his courage and by his humour; it was pretty hard not to be.

What the Youtube clip (well worth a watch) didn't explain, though, was that it was Nick’s relationship with God that changed his early outlook and the way he lives his life. At the age of 13, he sprained his foot playing football and had to stay in bed for several weeks. It was at this point that he decided to focus on the things he had rather than the things he didn't have. He started to see life differently.

His parents were Christians, but Nick had always found it difficult to believe that a loving God could allow this to happen to him. He blamed God for his physical and emotional pain and couldn't accept that He could possibly have a plan for his life; everything was such a challenge.

It wasn't until he turned 15 that his heart towards God changed. He found himself saying: “Here I am God, use me. If you want to give me arms and legs, great. If not, use me anyway.” He felt God had lifted away the fear, sin and shame that had hung over him all his life and that he suddenly had fresh hope.

He discovered that he had a gift for motivational speaking and, while his physical condition is still problematic, he refuses to stop him doing the things he loves doing. “God is not the author of pain, but what the enemy tried to use for evil, God has used for good,” Nick explains.

He is now enjoying a fantastic career, feels he is living out the plan God has for him, and is about to have a baby with his beautiful wife. Thank goodness he didn't end his life as a child!

That’s not to say life has been a piece of cake for Nick.

He shared with me that he had been through a time of depression between 2007 and 2010 after a business venture fell through and he experienced a burnout. It reminded him that he can’t do everything in his own strength; that it is God’s strength that keeps him going. “We need to be carried by God,” he explains. “It’s about knowing Him.”

I ask him what he would say to people who make excuses in their own lives about the things they can and can’t do.

“Life is meant to be enjoyed; a lot of people rob themselves because of fear,” he concludes. 

“You don’t know what you can achieve until you try it. Fear disables people more than having no arms and no legs.”

Read the full interview in the next issue of Sorted magazine.

Time to face the music

You may remember Mark Stevens as Nick Page in Neighbours… if you’re old enough to have been watching the show during the late ’80s, that is. These days, Mark is a worship leader at Abundant Life Church in Bradford and has just released his own album. I met up with him to find out about his journey to fame and, more importantly, his journey to faith.

Mark was born in Tasmania and developed a love for music at a very young age. When he turned 13 he applied to appear on Young Talent Time (YTT), an Australian variety show similar to America’s Mickey Mouse Club.

By the age of 14, Mark had started dabbling in drugs and alcohol, and getting into the party scene. By the time he turned 16, he was starting to experience the ill-effects of this lifestyle. He started to get restless at YTT and wanted a new challenge. Fortunately, his agent pulled some strings and he was offered the role of Nick Page on iconic show Neighbours.

His success on Neighbours opened doors for Mark in the UK and he came to England aged 19 to appear on the stage. Meanwhile, his life outside the show was starting to get a little wilder. He got heavily involved in the club scene and taking recreational drugs.

Shirking work

He also got a record deal with BMG and found himself touring the UK with big names such as (the one and only) Chesney Hawkes, Sonia and Take That.

By this point, Mark was heavily involved in the drug scene and several dealers were ‘looking after him’; plying him with coke, LSD and other narcotics. He was missing work appointments because he was living in a constant, drug-induced hangover, and his PA was constantly having to cover for him.

The young actor and musician decided to head back to Australia to promote the single he had just released and ended up with a warrant out for his arrest for an incident involving a policeman he nearly ran over at a crossing. He ended up back in Tasmania, living with his family and spending most of his time drunk, stoned and sleeping around.

Having sunk to new lows, Mark returned to the UK. He was taking heroin and even drinking cough medicine in a desperate bid to get high. “In my head I felt like Jim Morrison reincarnated,” says Mark. “I couldn’t work because I kept blowing it by not turning up to recording sessions, so doors just closed.”

Turning it around

Around this time, he bumped into a girl he had previously dated. She was a Christian but had been backsliding when he had first met her. After they broke up, she went back to church and got her life right with God.

He went to church and experienced a real peace that he hadn’t felt before. When he left the service he went right back to his normal lifestyle, but he started to see things in a different way.

Mark’s ex confronted him after he made a scene at a party and he suddenly became aware that he needed God in his life. The next morning he remembers the presence of God filling the room. He broke down into tears and started crying out to God.

“I don’t think I stopped crying for about three days,” Mark says. I had no money, no friends, nothing.”

One of the pastors at Hillsong London prayed for him and He was completely bowled over by the presence of God. He started going to the church regularly and got a job as a waiter in Covent Garden. He joined the worship team at church and moved in with a group of Christian guys and enjoyed just doing normal things with them, hanging out.

A brand new life

Mark later moved to Sydney to make a new start and for the next four years he attended Hillsong Sydney. As he was back on home soil, he decided to get the outstanding police warrant sorted. He went to jail for a day and had a huge fine slapped on him, but he was finally able to settle his debts and start afresh.

Before long he fell in love with a beautiful woman named Bethan Scanlon and they decided to get married. Since moving back to the UK, the couple have really got stuck into church life and the music scene at Abundant Life. They have been blessed with a gorgeous son and daughter, and fatherhood suits Mark down to the ground.

Having previously recorded music with the likes of Nik Kershaw, Nikki Graham and John Farnham, Mark has finally achieved his dreaming of releasing his own album. The album is called To Be With You and features ten fantastic tracks. Out now, it will make a great Christmas present for family and friends, or even a pre-festive-season gift to yourself! 

Read the full story in Sorted magazine - out now!

Playing with Fire

There’s something about men and fire. While I was still playing with Barbie, my brother was discovering what happened when he and a friend tried to set magnesium ribbon on fire in his bedroom (answer: lots of smoke and a very angry mother).

On another occasion he and the same friend (under the careful tutelage of said friend’s dad) formulated a petrol bomb powerful enough to blow the garage door off.

So as Bonfire Night approaches, I have three pieces of advice to offer:

1. Check out our top-ten, awe-inspiring pyrotechnic devices from Epic Fireworks so your display has your family (and neighbours) in suitable raptures
2. Avoid blowing any garage doors off – your wife won’t be impressed and your mother may still give you a clip round the ear for your troubles!
3. Don’t make the same mistake as the San Diego display organisers who set off 15 minutes worth of fireworks in 15 seconds (see it here on YouTube!)

Screaming Spiders

Spiders aren’t everyone’s cup of tea, but you will have everyone ‘oooing’ and ‘ahhing’ at this two-stage spectacular. First an explosion of golden tails accompanied by jet screams, glittering confetti and crackling comet tails, and then blue peonies, dragon’s eggs and strobes spring forth. Any eight-legged beasts will surely flee in its wake!

Earthshaker

Lasting two full minutes and delivering high-decibel action from start to finish, you’d do well to ‘borrow’ your daughter’s earmuffs if you’re planning on setting this little beauty free. Its 72 massive shots, bangs, whistles, hummers, crackling comets, silver strobing stars and a cloud of crackling stars will keep you macho image intact.

Angels vs Demons

You may not have read the book, but this little gem is a work of art in its own right. If spinning golden dragon tails and large brocades with slow-falling golden glitter appeal, you’re in for a treat here. Everyone will get right in the spirit of things if you book this funky firework as part of your display.

Gold Willow

This little gem has nothing whatsoever to do with the reluctant dwarf that appears in the eighties classic of that name. In fact, it’s a firework of truly epic proportions, releasing nine blocks of five high-powered shots at a time, littering the sky with a cascade of slow-falling golden stars. Just make sure there are no evil, baby-stealing queens present.

The Brick

The Brick is a lot less dull than it sounds. Starting with red peonies, blue stars and silver glitter, it bursts into red and green comets with silver tiger tails, fired six at a time. This rapidly proceeds to whistling, spinning silver stars followed by red and green peonies and silver chrysanthemums. Another fanned section of green and silver leads onto a rapid-fire finale of crackling stars, silver spinners and loud pink and blue peonies. The dog will definitely be bricking it.

Momentum

This amazingly timed piece of sky art offers golden red palms that explode with blue stars and falling strands of red and white glitter, five shots at a time. It’s sure to get things moving along nicely.

Predator 500

The Predator isn’t likely to start feeding on you, but it will certainly hold your attention. With a fast-firing array of effects including peonies, bangs, crackles, whistles and an intense finale of large glitter storms, this little beast is a real family favourite. 

Smiley Face Rocket

Your adoring crowd will mirror this extraordinary firework when it hits the sky. The purple ring of twin stars surrounding two large green eyes and a red starred smile will prompt happy faces all round. Emoticons will never hold the same charm again, and costing less than £15 it offers a pretty cheap laugh.

Sky Thriller Rocket

There’s nothing more manly than planting a rocket in the ground, lighting it, and stepping back to admire your handiwork. This one won’t disappoint. And with its single burst of giant glittering golden willow and a seemingly unending descent of twinkling stars, you’re all in for a thrilling ride.

Thunderous Finale

This is the one to save for last: a display that would make even Gandalf’s eyes water. It lasts around 60 seconds and launches 80 shots – four at a time – into the air. These shots break into huge coloured palms like exploding shells to a background symphony of electrifying crackles.

Read more from Joy in the next issue of Sorted magazine - out soon!

What’s your vision?

Guest blog with Tim Childs


When people have a vision, a goal, an aim, they seem to stand out; whatever that goal might be. And if they have enough drive they are often successful in achieving what they set out to do.  



When I say successful, I’m not necessarily talking about becoming rich and powerful, I mean ‘successful’ in the broadest sense: living successfully, holding down a job, volunteering some of your time; for the Christian, serving God each day with a whole heart is the height of success. 

But as well as this, success can mean making money, having a thriving business and pursuing a career in something you really want to do. I find that although my life is far from perfect in many respects, when I have a vision and pursue it, I feel a true sense of accomplishment. 

The majority of us have dreams that motivate us to get out of bed and we work towards these dreams almost every day. We hang on, hoping that we will see our dreams become reality, and sometimes we work day and night to see this dream get off the ground. 

Whether or not I succeed in what I do is less important than the fact that I am busy doing something. Of course, I don’t want to labour fruitlessly, but I believe it’s all in God’s hands anyway; as long as I play my part I have nothing to worry about.

When people lack vision, life can become rather selfish. Material things often become more important than spiritual conditions such as peace, happiness, contentment, joy and genuine wellbeing. 

People indulge their every whim thinking that possessions and other things will make them happy, but in my experience they don’t. To make up for the disappointment, they indulge themselves even more and end up caught in a vicious circle. 

One of the problems with Western society at the moment is that we have become spiritually bankrupt; and when people lose sight of the spiritual, of what really matters in life, they gravitate towards the material. As a result, all of our priorities get skewed: on a global, national and local level, but also on a very personal level.

When humans are greedy and selfish, they stop thinking about other people’s needs. They can become ruthless and even vicious in securing their own wellbeing, even at the expense of other people. 

We all have a selfish streak, and perhaps especially at this time of economic strife we need to stop being selfish and learn how to be practically concerned for other people; regardless of whether you run a successful business or are unemployed like so many of us are at this time.

We can all make the world a worse place, and, guess what? We can all make it a better place too. Whether we have a little or a lot, we can all play our part.

We all need a vision in life. With a vision we can overcome the most dramatic and seemingly immovable objects. Sometimes it’s just about putting one foot in front of the other, and repeating; and knowing where we want to go. 

I think if you know where you want to go, and you know what you want to be, you are half way to fulfilling your dream. I may add, the Christian has the added advantage of leaning fully on God. 

Whatever your vision is, I would encourage you to invite God into your plans. This may come as a surprise, but He might just want you to live a fulfilled, successful life too!

Read more about living a God-focused life in the next issue of Sorted magazine.