Playing with Fire

There’s something about men and fire. While I was still playing with Barbie, my brother was discovering what happened when he and a friend tried to set magnesium ribbon on fire in his bedroom (answer: lots of smoke and a very angry mother).

On another occasion he and the same friend (under the careful tutelage of said friend’s dad) formulated a petrol bomb powerful enough to blow the garage door off.

So as Bonfire Night approaches, I have three pieces of advice to offer:

1. Check out our top-ten, awe-inspiring pyrotechnic devices from Epic Fireworks so your display has your family (and neighbours) in suitable raptures
2. Avoid blowing any garage doors off – your wife won’t be impressed and your mother may still give you a clip round the ear for your troubles!
3. Don’t make the same mistake as the San Diego display organisers who set off 15 minutes worth of fireworks in 15 seconds (see it here on YouTube!)

Screaming Spiders

Spiders aren’t everyone’s cup of tea, but you will have everyone ‘oooing’ and ‘ahhing’ at this two-stage spectacular. First an explosion of golden tails accompanied by jet screams, glittering confetti and crackling comet tails, and then blue peonies, dragon’s eggs and strobes spring forth. Any eight-legged beasts will surely flee in its wake!

Earthshaker

Lasting two full minutes and delivering high-decibel action from start to finish, you’d do well to ‘borrow’ your daughter’s earmuffs if you’re planning on setting this little beauty free. Its 72 massive shots, bangs, whistles, hummers, crackling comets, silver strobing stars and a cloud of crackling stars will keep you macho image intact.

Angels vs Demons

You may not have read the book, but this little gem is a work of art in its own right. If spinning golden dragon tails and large brocades with slow-falling golden glitter appeal, you’re in for a treat here. Everyone will get right in the spirit of things if you book this funky firework as part of your display.

Gold Willow

This little gem has nothing whatsoever to do with the reluctant dwarf that appears in the eighties classic of that name. In fact, it’s a firework of truly epic proportions, releasing nine blocks of five high-powered shots at a time, littering the sky with a cascade of slow-falling golden stars. Just make sure there are no evil, baby-stealing queens present.

The Brick

The Brick is a lot less dull than it sounds. Starting with red peonies, blue stars and silver glitter, it bursts into red and green comets with silver tiger tails, fired six at a time. This rapidly proceeds to whistling, spinning silver stars followed by red and green peonies and silver chrysanthemums. Another fanned section of green and silver leads onto a rapid-fire finale of crackling stars, silver spinners and loud pink and blue peonies. The dog will definitely be bricking it.

Momentum

This amazingly timed piece of sky art offers golden red palms that explode with blue stars and falling strands of red and white glitter, five shots at a time. It’s sure to get things moving along nicely.

Predator 500

The Predator isn’t likely to start feeding on you, but it will certainly hold your attention. With a fast-firing array of effects including peonies, bangs, crackles, whistles and an intense finale of large glitter storms, this little beast is a real family favourite. 

Smiley Face Rocket

Your adoring crowd will mirror this extraordinary firework when it hits the sky. The purple ring of twin stars surrounding two large green eyes and a red starred smile will prompt happy faces all round. Emoticons will never hold the same charm again, and costing less than £15 it offers a pretty cheap laugh.

Sky Thriller Rocket

There’s nothing more manly than planting a rocket in the ground, lighting it, and stepping back to admire your handiwork. This one won’t disappoint. And with its single burst of giant glittering golden willow and a seemingly unending descent of twinkling stars, you’re all in for a thrilling ride.

Thunderous Finale

This is the one to save for last: a display that would make even Gandalf’s eyes water. It lasts around 60 seconds and launches 80 shots – four at a time – into the air. These shots break into huge coloured palms like exploding shells to a background symphony of electrifying crackles.

Read more from Joy in the next issue of Sorted magazine - out soon!