Be my Valentine…

I’ve never been the romantic type, so Valentine’s Day comes as a bit of a shock to the system every year. Few experiences are more painful to me than standing in Clinton Cards trying to pick something out that doesn’t make me want to spew… which is why the ones I choose normally say things like “Resistance is Futile” (I actually sent this once) rather than “I love you more than life itself, snookums”.

One year I absolutely excelled myself. I had been seeing someone for a month or two and thought Valentine’s would be a fairly low-key affair. We were having dinner together, but I felt it was too early for cards or any of that kind of carry-on.

On the way to the venue, I bought him a Cadbury’s Creme Egg. Because to me, there’s no better way of telling someone you like them than by producing that delightful piece of chocolaty goodness. The only problem was, I had to get the bus… and by the time I had trekked to the bus stop, I was hungry.

I turned up to find that my beloved had been rather more considerate than I; his thoughtful gifts were laid out beautifully, and not one of them had even the tiniest of nibble marks. I guiltily handed over the scraps of Creme Egg foil, muttering something about the thought counting. It wasn’t my finest moment – although he later revealed that he didn’t like Creme Eggs (???!), so I felt slightly vindicated.

Perhaps, like me, you are a little romantically challenged… Do you leave it till the last minute and then grab the first card you see, triumphantly scooping up a manky rose at the counter as a special bonus? Have you had any Valentine’s disasters you’d like to share with us? We’d love to hear them!

Anyway, if you struggle every February 14 to find something romantic to do, we might have a little idea up our sleeves for you. Pixengo has launched a new iPhone app that allows you to add a personal recorded message to a still image. You could use it to record a funny message, whisper sweet nothings to your Valentine or even propose! (It’s only a personal opinion, but popping the question by recorded message may not fulfil all her proposal dreams.)

If you’ve already bought a gift, the free app allows you to personalise it in a modern, thoughtful way. For example, you could book a table at your Valentine’s favourite restaurant, take a picture of the venue and then use the app to invite her there for a romantic meal. It’s a small gesture, but we women love the personal touch.

There is even scope for you to send silly messages: the example Pixengo gives on its website is of a man in a mankini accompanied by a cheeky message. Of course, you can make it as fun or as serious as you like.

Now I’m not encouraging you to be lazy or forgetful; it’s good to show the people that we love exactly what they mean to us at least once a year. But this ingenious little app could act as a get-out-of-jail-free card if you are a little less organised than you had planned to be. 

If you didn’t quite get round to ordering that necklace or picking up that special box of chocolates, take a funny picture of something else and let her know that the real gift is on its way! And if you do send a Pixengo message, let us know what you sent and how it was received!

Click here to download the free app from iTunes… and Happy Valentine’s to you all.

(PS you can’t say you forgot now, because we just reminded you!)

Read more from Joy in the next issue of Sorted magazine.

If only someone in China could do my job for me…

Wouldn’t it be nice to get paid a decent salary without having to lift a finger? No doubt that’s what went through the mind of a US software developer when he decided to outsource his job to a company based in Shenyang, China.

The 40-something American was reportedly paid a six-figure salary but spent his day surfing the internet while the Chinese company did his work for a fifth of the price. My first thought was, ‘What a genius idea!’

I mean, we already wear clothes that are made in China and sit on furniture from the Far East. So why shouldn’t we take advantage of the cheaper labour offered by its ever-growing workplace?  

1.    It’s dishonest. If someone is paying you to do a job and you are palming off someone else’s efforts as your own, you are lying to them. This also applies if you are in management and take the credit for someone else’s work or ideas. Or if you plagiarise someone else’s research for a university assignment and pretend it is your own endeavour.

2.    It’s exploitative. If the person providing the work is producing a product or service that is of the same standard you would, then they deserve more than 20% of your salary. Whether it is someone in the Orient or a member of your own workforce, we should value people as highly as we value ourselves and ensure that they are paid accordingly.

3.    It’s lazy. If you’ve been given a job to do, you should do it to the best of your ability. This guy was obviously capable of doing the work he was given, but instead he chose to sit around watching YouTube videos. Instead of reaching and even exceeding his potential, he was happy to just ‘get away with it’. There's no pride in an easy ride.

The Bible says a number of things about work: 

• Colossians 3:23: “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men”
• 2 Thessalonians 3:10: “For even when we were with you, we would give you this command: If anyone is not willing to work, let him not eat”
• Proverbs 16:3: “Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established”
• 1 Corinthians 10:31: “So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God”

So even if your job is tiring or mundane, you should do it to the best of your abilities; not looking for plaudits or a pat on the back, but knowing that God sees and honours what you’re doing. 

It’s also worth remembering that the American chap got fired for his little scam if still you’re tempted to follow suit!

Anyway, that’s my cue to get back to proofreading the latest issue of Sorted. 

Featuring an exclusive interviews with Sir Anthony Hopkins, you’re in for a real treat! Just imagine if he or one of your other heroes had sat around with his feet up rather than fulfilling his potential!

The real daddy day care

Neil Sinclair has served as a Royal Engineer Commando, a PE teacher, a security guard for the UN in New York and a PCSO in the Metropolitan Police Service. 

So what's the most difficult role he’s ever undertaken? Fatherhood, by a long stretch! According to Neil, bringing his first son home from the hospital for the first time was the scariest thing he had ever done.

Neil joined the army straight from school, serving for six years in total. The training was vigorous and the work itself – which included tours in Norway, Iraq and Belize – presented daily challenges.

When he joined the forces, Neil had hoped to become a Physical Training Instructor (PTI), but unfortunately about 50% of the recruits had the same idea and positions were limited. So when he left, he decided to do “the next best thing”; to teach physical exercise. “When I got into schools I really enjoyed it and had a good rapport with the kids,” recalls Neil.

And he obviously had a good rapport with his fellow teachers, too, because he met his wife, Tara, at his first teaching post. When Tara was offered an interview with Burson-Marsteller in New York, they were both excited. Neil was able to get a job as a security officer at the UN and the couple settled in New York and had their first two children – Samuel and Jude – across the pond. But fatherhood didn’t come as naturally to Neil as he had hoped; an experience shared by many new parents.

“I put my little boy down hoping my wife had visited the stork of knowledge,” he says. “I had no clue. We had two degrees between us but no idea about being parents. I could have delivered my own son, I knew so much about childbirth, but I hadn’t given much thought to actually having a child at home. If someone offered me £1 million to redo the first six weeks, I’d say no chance! It was a nightmare.”

Having returned to the UK before their daughter Liberty was born, Neil started training as a childminder. This enabled him to spend plenty of time with his own three but also to look after other people’s children. There was a financial benefit, but it was also great for his daughter to have children her age to play with.

Neil has been childminding for around 11 years now, and when he started out there was good deal of suspicion about guys that wanted to be stay-at-home dads, not to mention childminders. “It still goes on today,” he claims, “but there are far more stay-at-home dads now. I was an oddity when I started dropping the kids off at school. Also when I became a childminder. It’s still very rare to see a male in that environment.

It was while he was still childminding that Neil wrote his first book, Commando Dad: BasicTraining, the content of which is based on his own experience of fatherhood, particularly the first time around.  “The idea came out of fear and ignorance,” Neil explains.

“What underpins Commando Dad is being prepared,” Neil explains. “I’ve written the book I wish I’d had when I was a first-time dad.” The book deals with the ‘due to deploy’ period – six weeks prior to the birth, ‘base camp’ – the feeding station and a range of other critical issues such as bulky item storage, and what dads need to take to hospital when their wives or partners go into labour.

Unlike many other parenting books, which tell you what you should be doing at precisely 11am on the third day of the fifth week, Commando Dad isn’t prescriptive. It simply offers tips and advice on how to handle the issues that arise and how to prepare for them. The only section that specifically tells readers what they must do is the first aid segment. “All the rest is based on my experience as a stay-at-home dad and a childminder. There are no case studies or statistics.”

If you’re about to become a dad or know someone is, make sure you get hold of Commando Dad! Read the full story in the March-April issue of Sorted magazine - now available in WH Smith and Sainsbury's, as well as online.

The day Ulrika died

Ulrika ka ka, my beautiful Ford KA, finally breathed her last this week. After five months of sheer bliss together (sort of), taking her for a long-distance spin when she was on her last legs spelt disaster. 

High on fumes, running on empty and having narrowly avoided several collisions, I managed to make it to Fords of Winsford, a well-known used car supermarket in Cheshire. It had taken me five hours to get forty miles.

I got Ulrika parked in the humungous car park and bundled myself through the glass doors towards reception. A friendly looking chap greeted me and was sympathetic to my plight. What I really needed at this point was a hug, a nice cup of cocoa and… well, a new – and preferably free – car.

I sat down with a man named Paul Atherton to discuss my options, and we were joined by another lovely chap whose name I’ve forgotten (I blame the fumes) who was learning the ropes. They talked me through my options and it soon became clear that I couldn’t afford any of them. No surprises there.

But Paul was undeterred. Unlike most car salesmen (sorry for the generalisation, but there does tend to be a ‘type’), he was honest, helpful and resourceful. First he arranged for poor Ulrika to be ‘reappropriated’, for a better sum than I was expecting. He haggled hard on her behalf, and I was immensely grateful.

Then we looked for a smallish car that would get me from A to B with the occasional long-distance run thrown in. We found one that was just the job, but unfortunately it was reserved for another customer. We found another and the same thing happened… it wasn’t looking good. But then, third time lucky, we found a handsome little wagon that ticked all the boxes. A 2008 Ford Fiesta Zetec without even the slightest scent of burnt engine.

There were still a few problems to overcome though. I needed to secure the necessary finance… I needed Fords to agree to lend me a courtesy car for more than a week as my car needed to be thoroughly checked before I could drive it away… And I needed to source my missing V5 certificate to prove that I was indeed Ulrika’s rightful owner. I asked about 100 questions and Paul answered them all. He even threw in a free cup of cocoa to sweeten the deal (see what I did there?).

Once the paperwork was signed, he drove the courtesy car round to where Ulrika had conked out and we unloaded my many bits and bobs, furry dice included. I gave her one last stroke and managed to hold back the tears. It was time for her to go to scrapyard heaven, and time for me to get to grips with the Hyundai I’d be borrowing for a week.

After a quick demo from Paul, it was time for me to say goodbye to Fords of Winsford and its wonderful employees. No hugs were exchanged, although I gave Paul and his deputy an imaginary one (I hope they don’t mind if they’re reading this). I drove off into the freezing fog, toasty warm and excited about my new wheels. It’s going to be hard for my family to match the present I’ve gifted myself!

You’re probably wondering why I’m telling you all this. Well, it’s partly because I wanted to voice my gratitude to the guys that helped me in my time of need (including the lorry driver who stopped to help me on the side of the road and ended up making the problem worse… his heart was in the right place). 

And I also need name suggestions for the new car. At the moment she's called Fiesta ta ta (Fi for short), so if you think you can do better, add your suggestions in the comments section below. All sensible options will be considered! 

Finally, it occurred to me that we are bound to experience disappointments, breakdowns and losses in life. If things are going well for you at the moment, and I hope they are, be grateful! Thank the people that have helped you this year. Remember to enjoy the good times because you never know when they might end; especially if the Mayans have anything to do with it. If things aren’t going so well, I pray that the New Year will bring better times – don’t give up hope.

And with Christmas nearly upon us, let’s take time to remember why we have the fairy lights, the pigs in blankets and the warm mince pies: that Jesus, not turkey, is the reason for the season.

A very Merry Christmas to you from all of us at Sorted xxx

It’ll be lonely this Christmas

In three weeks’ time, Christmas will be behind us. The turkey will be gone, the presents will be dotted round the house in perfect piles for tripping over and every relative in the land will have been visited – probably twice. And hopefully we will all have remembered to celebrate the birth of Jesus at some point, too!

One of the saddest things about Christmas, though, is that many people don’t enjoy the perfect festive period the way some do. Many elderly people are completely alone at Christmas having lost loved ones, and a large number are unable to afford all the fancy trimmings. In fact, many struggle to cover basic costs such as heating.

Then there are homeless people, some of whom have to fight to stay alive in blisteringly cold conditions. For whatever reasons, they’ve fallen on hard times and now they are vulnerable to cold, loneliness and violence. Many are struggling with substance abuse.

And having done some work with Bristol International Student Centre (BISC) over the last few months, I’m also aware that a large number of internationals will find themselves alone and away from home come December 25. Imagine being thousands of miles away from your family and friends in a land that is cold and where the food is more than a little strange.

Finally, there are the people whose relationships have suddenly come to an end. Did you know there is usually a flurry of marriage/relationship breakups just before and after Christmas? Maybe it’s the stress of all the preparation, or the fact that couples actually have to spend time together that brings it on… Whichever way you look at it, this can make for an extremely sad and lonely time for the couple involved and for their children, if they have them.

So as you go about your Christmas shopping or plan what to wear to your office party, spare a thought for the people around you that might not be looking forward to Christmas. Is there anything you can do to help?

Maybe you could buy an extra gift for someone who doesn’t have any family around them at this time; a warm blanket for an elderly neighbour, for example. Or perhaps you could make an effort to include that person at work who is having a tough time at home. 

I’m not saying you have to invite every homeless person you meet over for Christmas dinner (although it might be that you could invite someone to share in your family feast), but small gestures can have a massive impact people who are hurting.

Many churches and charities host special services, meals and festive events for those that are alone or in need at Christmas time. Make an effort to find out what’s on offer and get involved. For example, my church has a Christmas hamper project that provides low-income families, single parents and those in sheltered accommodation with a basic meal and some treats on Christmas Day.

This is a great opportunity to share God’s love with people in a practical way. If you really can’t afford to give (and I question whether that is true if you really think about it), give of your time. Offer to help pack up the hampers or to drive them to where they need to go.

Don’t just turn up the Christmas tunes and zone everything else out. We remember at Christmas that God gave everything He had for us – His own Son – so let’s be prepared to give generously to others at this special time of year. 

Read more from Joy in the upcoming issue of Sorted magazine - out soon! There's still time to buy a gift subscription for that special man in your life...

Get yourself off to a flying start

Anyone who has ever watched Top Gun will have imagined (at least in their heads) that the planet will never be safe until their flying skills have been put to the test. 

Let’s face it, the Red Arrows would have nothing on us if we were to get behind the control yoke of a plane. I mean, our driving skills are already the envy of the roads, so just think what would happen if the cockpit was under our command…

If these thoughts have ever entered your mind, I have just the thing for you. British Airways (BA) is now offering flight training sessions in its multi-million pound, full motion Boeing or Airbus flight simulators. These simulators aren't like the ones you get a funfairs (although those can be fun too); these capsules are normally used to train professional pilots before they get to do the real thing.

It’s a bit dearer that a driving lesson, but imagine the rush you’ll get as you learn the skills that would make Maverick, Goose and the rest of the Top Gun crew stand to attention. You can take part in the training alone, take a friend along, or even arrange a corporate session for you and your workmates. The best part is, absolutely no experience is required. All you need is a passport to get through security and a reasonably clear bill of health, and the sky’s the limit.

Step one is a 30-minute pre-flight briefing in the Ground School, which will give you a detailed overview of the flight deck instruments, controls and systems. Once that’s over you actually get to press the buttons for yourself! In fact, you will be at the controls throughout the whole process, from take-off to touchdown, and all of the action takes place under the instruction of a fully trained BA pilot. The stunning visual effects, surround sound and advanced hydraulic motion systems will work together to convince you that you’re actually flying the plane.

If it’s a corporate session you’re after, various packages are available, with the potential for up to 24 colleagues to get involved. BA offers flight simulators and cabin simulators as well as conference and banqueting facilities for small or large groups. You may have been to team-building sessions with the work crew in the past, but this will blow all your other bonding experiences out of the… sky.

Corporate prices range from around £1,400 to £6,600, with flight times ranging from 30 to 60 minutes per guest. For this fair sum you get hands on experience, guidance from a proper BA pilot, refreshments and private room hire and, in some cases, additional cabin safety training. Providing your pilot agrees, you can even take pictures of the action to post on the work noticeboard.

Personal flight prices range from £399 for an hour’s session to £1,347 for a three-hour. If you’re stuck for gift ideas for the dad, brother or best mate who seems to have it all, nothing says Happy Birthday like an hour flying a Boeing 737. It could even win you a few brownie points with the father-in-law; especially if you go along for the ride. That way you get to fulfil your own flying dreams and make him a happy man at the same time. Heck, you could even hire the uniform and really get into character. Female flight attendants beware!

Read more from Joy in the upcoming edition of Sorted magazine, out soon.

Nick Vujicic goes out on a limb

Imagine being born without any arms… that would make simple things like cleaning your teeth pretty tricky. I broke my shoulder a couple of years ago and was amazed how difficult everything was with just my right arm out of action.

Now imagine being born without any arms or legs… Well that’s what happened to Nick Vujicic, who was born with a rare condition called tetra-amelia syndrome.

In place of his legs was a small foot with two toes, which allowed him to learn a number of key skills as he grew up, but early life was extremely tough for the young Australian.

Struggling to perform the mundane tasks most people do without a second thought, Nick was bullied mercilessly and became very depressed. In fact, he tells me in an interview for Sorted that he was so down as a child he became suicidal, and if it hadn't been for his parents’ deep love for him and his for them, he would have taken his own life at the age of ten.

How would he ever get a job? Or have a family? What was the point in going on?

But life certainly wasn't over for Nick; it turns out there were lots of reasons to keep going. Ever done a skydive? Nick has. Ever travelled to 44 countries to share your story with millions of people? Nick has. Ever set up your own company or written a series of books? The list of what Nick has achieved just goes on and on.

I first saw this guy on Russell Howard’s Good News. He appeared in the end section, when Russ picks his favourite good news story of the week and shares it with his viewers. In the clip he showed, Nick was speaking to a group of school kids. They were captivated and visibly moved by his courage and by his humour; it was pretty hard not to be.

What the Youtube clip (well worth a watch) didn't explain, though, was that it was Nick’s relationship with God that changed his early outlook and the way he lives his life. At the age of 13, he sprained his foot playing football and had to stay in bed for several weeks. It was at this point that he decided to focus on the things he had rather than the things he didn't have. He started to see life differently.

His parents were Christians, but Nick had always found it difficult to believe that a loving God could allow this to happen to him. He blamed God for his physical and emotional pain and couldn't accept that He could possibly have a plan for his life; everything was such a challenge.

It wasn't until he turned 15 that his heart towards God changed. He found himself saying: “Here I am God, use me. If you want to give me arms and legs, great. If not, use me anyway.” He felt God had lifted away the fear, sin and shame that had hung over him all his life and that he suddenly had fresh hope.

He discovered that he had a gift for motivational speaking and, while his physical condition is still problematic, he refuses to stop him doing the things he loves doing. “God is not the author of pain, but what the enemy tried to use for evil, God has used for good,” Nick explains.

He is now enjoying a fantastic career, feels he is living out the plan God has for him, and is about to have a baby with his beautiful wife. Thank goodness he didn't end his life as a child!

That’s not to say life has been a piece of cake for Nick.

He shared with me that he had been through a time of depression between 2007 and 2010 after a business venture fell through and he experienced a burnout. It reminded him that he can’t do everything in his own strength; that it is God’s strength that keeps him going. “We need to be carried by God,” he explains. “It’s about knowing Him.”

I ask him what he would say to people who make excuses in their own lives about the things they can and can’t do.

“Life is meant to be enjoyed; a lot of people rob themselves because of fear,” he concludes. 

“You don’t know what you can achieve until you try it. Fear disables people more than having no arms and no legs.”

Read the full interview in the next issue of Sorted magazine.