What happens when a ‘houseperson’ gets sick?

Guest blog from Michael Clark

I say ‘houseperson’ with reason, because everyone knows women are so much better than men at being sick and managing to work.

My poor mum seemed to manage two jobs (one-parent families in the sixties didn't live the high life on benefits) as well as satisfying her houseproudness, which knew no bounds.

We all know that if men feel rubbish in the morning they just phone up work and say, "I’m sick". Of course, this often involves putting on a very husky voice, mumbling a lot and dropping hints about hideous bodily fluids – just so the boss knows this is the real deal and not just a common case of man flu).

Women have always been able to get themselves to work, and – if they lack the useful househusband appendage – come home cook for the kids, help with homework and so on and so forth.

So really, when I ask what happens when a houseperson is sick, I do mean househusband, because (irritatingly) the housewife just says, "So what?"

This question came to mind today by a lack of chipperness in Bozo when Mrs Bozo's alarm went off. Last night was a late one; Mrs B had spent it at a gala dinner hobnobbing with the great and the good (including the heir to the throne).

My own evening was less jolly, thanks to Spain and Portugal whose promised festival of football turned into a yawn fest. Alan Hansen commented: "Let's give extra time a miss and go straight to penalties – they will at least be exciting...". How right he was!

Anyway, having watched it home alone, I can say with total honesty that there was nothing self-induced about my dawn migraine! Poor Mrs Bozo departed sans tea, and I stayed under the covers with a throbbing head, paracetamol supply and a blackout eye mask. Until, at 10.34, a small voice suggested some tea might help nudge the headache off the radar.

Now it’s 1334, and in three hours I have managed to drink three cups of tea, two large espressos and write a blog and a half. Not bad going!

However...

The kitchen looks like it was cleaned by Al Qaeda. The shopping needs doing, especially as I am cooking for our home group tonight and currently all they have to look forward to is a packet of spaghetti.

So this brings me back to the question... what does the godly househusband do when he is sick?

I suppose it is a big disappointment to read this far and see no magic button to press. But all I can recommend is this...

• Take it slow
• Ease into it
• Don't be shy of painkillers!
• Commit to achieving key things. After all, if this was a paid job and you were a driven employee, you know if you had a crucial deadline you’d make sure you met it...
• Well, this is a crucial deadline – not all of it maybe – but some parts of it... So commit to those parts
• Oh, and last but by no means least, pray, pray, pray because (as in any trial) it is not your strength but HIS that will carry you through.

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