Even better sounds from Stuart Pendred

Photo credit: Stuart Pendred

Opera singer Stuart Pendred is an old friend of Sorted. When his first album, Benedizioni (meaning “blessings”), came out, we interviewed him for a full spread in the magazine.

Then, last week, good old Facebook alerted me to the fact he’s releasing a brand new album, Agnus Dei, and that he was dropping in on BBC radio Oxford to give listeners a little taster.

As a youngster, he had grand visions of appearing on the stage as an awe-inspiring Hamlet and bagging himself a couple of Oscars. Being on stage made Stuart feel “alive”, and his sights were firmly fixed on making it big in Hollywood.

He never had any aspirations to be an opera singer when he was growing up; in fact he thought of opera stars as “fat people who shouted at each other in languages [he] … didn’t understand”.

Although he grew up in a Salvation Army setting, the Bedford boy had no experience of classical music. And his parents weren’t impressed about the idea of their son appearing on the stage. “It was positively not encouraged!” he says.

His singing prowess was attracting attention from his drama teachers and, despite his initial reluctance, he was eventually drawn into the opera arena. Members of a new company he helped set up would attend events pretending to be waiters or ‘undercover’ guests and then suddenly burst into song.

According to Stuart, this was a great laugh. But there were a couple of occasions where he almost ended up getting battered by other guests who weren’t in on the surprise.

Dennis Wise’s wedding was one such experience, as Vinnie Jones was the best man. “Having him tell me to shut up was quite an intense experience,” Stuart relates, expecting a good hiding. But once the action man realised what was going on, he saw the funny side.

This was certainly good experience for what was to come. He later found himself singing in front of huge crowds, including thousands of fans at two Six Nations rugby matches. Stuart speaks fondly about the magic of hearing 75,000 people singing along to “Swing Low” or “Jerusalem”.

Photo credit: Stuart Pendred

He also became the ‘voice’ of Chelsea Football Club, the team he had always supported. Having set up a “Three Tenors kind of company”, he and his buddies sent out promotional packs to every Premier League club. Susanna, who was Chelsea manager Ken Bates’ PA at the time (and is now his wife), rang Stuart and the pair came up with a plot for the three singers to sing live for Ken.

Posing as ordinary fans after a Chelsea match, Stuart approached the manager and asked if he could sing for him. After hearing the three lads sing, they instantly became “Ken Bates’ boys”. This opened up plenty of opportunities for Stuart to appear at players’ and staff weddings and other functions.

Despite the fact his dad was a gooner and was convinced his son had been brought up properly, Stuart and his brother had been firmly encouraged in their support of Arsenal rivals Chelsea by their uncle. So standing on that Stamford Bridge turf and getting to know the players, legends and directors well has been a “real honour”.

The new album features more original tracks than Benedizioni and boasts around 36 live musicians compared with seven or eight. Stuart says that it is a reflection of himself; his way of laying his deepest feelings on the line.

The radio station played track eleven from the album; a song called “Sempre Qui”, (“always there”). He explains that he was inspired to write the song after a close friend was diagnosed with a rare form of bone cancer.

Very sadly, after a furious battle with the disease, he died at the age of 42, leaving behind a wife and two children. Having lost his brother in a car accident and his uncle to cancer, Andy’s death came as a major blow for Stuart. “It was a very dark experience and one that I needed to get out,” he explains.

However, the track is actually a song of hope; reassuring us that there is still purpose and meaning in life. As a Christian, Stuart firmly believes his life is in the hands of his creator and he’s looking forward to whatever lies ahead for him.

The new album is moving, inspiring and full of positivity, so if you’re wondering to get a friend or relative for Christmas, you could do a lot worse than grabbing a copy.

Check out Stuart’s website to buy the album and get the latest news. Read more from Joy in the upcoming issue of Sorted magazine and in its sister publication, Liberti.

What do Christians, Conservatives and fat cats have in common?

Photo credit: Harry Metcalfe/Wikipedia

Tomorrow I’ll be interviewing Michael Farmer for Sorted magazine. Michael is an extremely successfully businessman, a Christian, a family man and a big supporter of the Conservative Party (although not necessarily in that order).

As the founder of RK Capital Management, Michael has become one of London’s best-paid fund managers. The company’s main fund, Red Kite, is one of the largest industrial metals hedge funds in the world.

Having left school at 18 and started out earning just £8 a week, the entrepreneur now ships around 15-20% of China's total copper supplies. And that’s a lot of copper. It’s no surprise he’s been nicknamed ‘Mr Copper’ by his peers.

But rather than becoming increasingly greedy after his success with his first company, MG Metals (and after helping to pick up the pieces of it once it was torn apart by Enron), Michael decided to take himself off to Bible School in Cornhill, London. I bet not many of his fellow fund managers have done that.

"The idea of a City financier who's a Christian is sometimes considered a contradiction in terms," Michael told The DailyTelegraph. With the animosity aimed at London’s financial community in recent years, I imagine he’s used to taking a bit of flak. But being a member of the “God Squad” (his words, not mine) is likely to have brought him double trouble.

And these aren’t the only controversies Michael is courting: he’s also responsible for donating £2.3 million to the Tory Party. He’s not one to make a song and dance about this, but he recently decided to defend his actions after hearing Lord Ashcroft criticise London financiers who he claimed were supporting political parties because they stood to gain from it.

"You can call me a City fat cat if you want, but I'm not giving away my hard-earned money for fun. I'm giving it away because I want to fund something I genuine believe: that Cameron and the Tories will be a far better government for the country than Labour," he says.

Having met with David Cameron to discuss the importance of family values, Michael feels the Prime Minister shares his concerns and is sincere about his intentions to preserve family life.

Conversely, Michael believes Labour is responsible for breaking down families; of describing the family unit as a Victorian concept. “Labour's idea of a family is three people who share a fridge," he says. However, as a Christian, husband and father of three, he truly understands the value of family life.

“I know that if things go wrong for me financially, I've got my family to fall back on. If I lost my job or savings, I'd talk to Jenny and we'd discuss belt-tightening, cutting debts, selling the house, whatever it would take to come out the other side. It'd be tough, but far easier together," he concludes.

Do you share Michael’s faith in Mr Cameron? Should the government be involved in family life? Is it right for Church and State should be linked at all? Feel free to leave comments and any question suggestions below. Be quick though – the interview starts at 10am GMT.

You can read the full story – with exclusive comment from Michael Farmer – in the next issue of Sorted magazine.

Why iLove the iPhone

Photo credit: Apple

We all know the English love to queue, but where the iPhone is involved it seems ‘queue fever’ is fast becoming an international pastime – even the French are getting the hang of it.

Unsurprisingly, the iPhone 4S has drawn crowds to stores around the world today, with thousands queuing through the night to get their hands on the latest model. According to reports, Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak is first in the queue outside his local Apple store in California. You’d have thought they’d have given the poor guy one for free…

The newest handset boasts a faster processor and better camera than the iPhone 4. It also comes with Siri, a voice-controlled 'personal assistant' that can make appointments, send messages and even answer questions. What’s not to like?

The first person to buy an iPhone 4S from the Apple Store in London's Covent Garden said he was desperate to get to bed having been up all night waiting for the shop to open. But not before he’s had a good play with it of course.

I must admit, when I got my first iPhone I couldn’t wait to get it home. I disobeyed the 16-hour charging rule, plugged it on and started working out what to press (I’d like to say I carefully read the instruction booklet, but that would be rather misleading).

Needless to say, it was awesome; it totally met and even exceeded my expectations. I still struggle to text with it, but that’s probably more to do with my fat fingers than the phone itself.

I’m certainly not the most technical person around, but I know what I like, and I definitely like the iPhone. I know there’ll be a lot of people out there who think it’s overrated (feel free to leave comments), but in my opinion it’s still making the headlines for all the right reasons.

I know it’s a cliché, but I really can’t imagine how I ever lived without it. I can check my emails wherever I am, navigate my way out of continual lostness with the map app and while away many a boring hour with a game of Angry Birds. Okay, so the game probably makes me angrier than the birds, but it’s totally addictive.

The danger with gadgets like the iPhone is that, like social networking sites, they can affect the way we spend time and relate to others. Don’t get me wrong, not all communication has to be face-to-face, but I’d definitely rather have a coffee with a real person than be glued to a piece of metal all day.

While a phone can help us keep in touch with people, the more technology it offers the more distracted we can become. Do you find yourself scrolling away on your phone while your best friend is trying to tell you something? Do you find yourself reaching for your phone before you say hi to your wife in the morning?

If so, I suggest you introduce a self-enforced ban for a week so you can get a bit of perspective back (and probably earn yourself some brownie points)! I’m sure the ban could wait a while if you’ve been up all night queuing for the iPhone 4S.

Let us know your thoughts on the hottest gadgets around and whether you think they are changing our lives for the better or the worse. If you’re the lucky owner of the new iPhone, let us know your thoughts on it!

You can read more about the latest gadgets in the upcoming edition of Sorted magazine, or its sister publication, Liberti.

Breasts like clusters of grapes

Photo credit: Flagstaffotos.com.au

I don’t normally laugh when I read the Bible, but two passages I read this morning made me laugh.

The first was an extract from Song of Songs, the strangest book in the Bible in my opinion. The story focuses on the blossoming relationship between a young man “he” and woman “she”, who express their love for one another in truly poetic terms. Every now and then, there is an interjection from their “friends”.

This book is interesting because there is no overt reference to God at all and it’s pretty sensual. However, it is often interpreted as an allegorical representation of the relationship between God and Israel, God and the Church, and the husband and wife.

This doesn’t sound like an amusing backdrop, but to me it has a strong, if purely accidental, comedic edge.

Let’s look at the way “he” describes his lover. His opening statement is: “I liken you, my darling, to a mare among Pharaoh’s chariot horses” (Song of Songs 1:9). Not the best compliment I’ve ever heard.

He goes on to say her eyes are like doves, her hair like a flock of goats, her teeth like a flock of sheep just shorn (each has its twin; not one of them is alone) and her temples like the halves of a pomegranate.

 

Photo credit: Jacquie Wingate/Wikipedia

According to the girl’s lover, her neck is like the tower of David, her breasts like twin fawns of a gazelle (or clusters of grapes on the vine), her navel is a rounded goblet that never lacks blended wine, her waist is a mound of wheat encircled by lilies, her neck is like an ivory tower and – my personal favourite – her nose is like the tower of Lebanon.

Meanwhile, “she” describes him as “a sachet of myrrh” resting between her breasts. She goes on to say he is like an apple tree among the trees of the forest, like a gazelle or a young stag, like a column of smoke perfumed with myrrh and incense.

She claims his cheeks are like beds of spice, his arms are rods of gold set with topaz, his body is like polished ivory decorated with lapis lazuli and his legs are pillars of marble set on bases of pure gold.

Okay, so I’ve picked out the descriptions that most amused me – there were other more complimentary similes, particularly about the woman. And I’m also sure these descriptions held meanings that I didn’t appreciate: suggestions of fertility, prosperity, strength and beauty, for example.

But I can’t help imagining this woman with her muttony teeth, pomegranate forehead and tower-like nose rendezvousing with her apple tree beloved with his spicy cheeks and marble legs.

So that’s the first passage that tickled me. The second was a single verse, Proverbs 21:9, which says: “Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.”

That doesn’t need much explanation, as far as I’m concerned, but again the imagery amused me. In fact, it reminded me of the well-known black and white picture of workmen eating their lunch on a crane hanging over New York (click here to view). It suddenly took on a whole new meaning for me after reading that verse.

Please feel free to leave comments. You can read more from Joy in the next issue of Sorted magazine, and in its sister publication Liberti.

What we can learn from the ‘bipolar’ penguin

Photo credit: Martin St-Amant/Wikipedia

Penguins are my favourite animals. From the time I could talk, family zoo trips centred around one thing and one thing only: penguin feeding time. Nothing came between me and my penguins.

After years of study, the conclusion I’ve come to is that penguins are kind of bipolar. On land they waddle in such a delightfully ungainly way it almost breaks my heart. Even fully grown penguins look like clumsy toddlers when they’re on the ice.

But once they’re in the water they are sublime. They glide through the water with utter grace and ease. If you’ve ever been to an aquarium where they swim over your head you will understand the true joy that only penguins can bring.

I think humans can be a bit like that too. When we’re doing something we love we dive straight in. But if it takes us out of our comfort zones we take much smaller, waddlier steps, praying no-one will push us in.

So what can we do about this? Well first, we should make the most of the skills we have. Whether you’re a great doctor, a talented musician or a meticulous cleaner, it’s great to use our gifts to benefit ourselves and others.

In Matthew 25:14-30, Jesus tells a story about three servants who are given ‘talents’ (coins) to look after, and grow, for their master. The first two double what they were given, while the third simply buries his in case it gets stolen. His ‘lack of talent’ results in his coin being taken from him and given to one of the others, who is sure to make use of it. The message is simple: use it or lose it.

Now I don’t like to boast, but I’m an expert hugger. Even before my penguin craze began, my parents could pass me to anyone and I would throw my chubby arms around their necks with glee – to the great surprise of several Santas we visited. It’s something I enjoy for the effect it produces in me and because is an act of giving to someone else. Simple as it is, I believe this is a gift and I intend to use it.

Photo credit: Ken Funakoshi/Wikipedia

But what happens when we’re tested in an area of minus talent? Ask me to evacuate a spider or climb a tall building and I will fall to pieces (not literally in case you thought that was another of my gifts). Ask me to draw a picture or play the oboe and I’ll just laugh. Give me a medical chart and a scalpel and I’ll run away as fast as I can (not very, as chance would have it).

So should I berate myself for my shortcomings? I don’t think so. We can’t be good at everything, right? But there are three important principles here. The first is that we shouldn’t accept failure without giving things a good go. Didn’t your granny tell you that “if you don’t at first succeed, try, try, try again”?

Secondly, if it’s something we’re not good at but NEED to be, we should ask for God’s help. Peter didn’t think he could walk on water until he gave it a go and fixed his eyes on Jesus (Matthew 14:22-33). It was his fear that nearly drowned him, not his (or God’s) inability.

Finally, God can work through us whatever our limitations. Just look what Moses achieved despite having a severe speech impediment. Paul points out that God’s power is actually made perfect in our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9).

So rather than doddering by the side of the pool like penguins, stumbling over every obstacle in our way, let’s jump in and at least make a big splash. We might not be graceful gliders right away, but it’s better to try and fail than not to try at all. We can trust God to do the rest.

Please feel free to leave comments. You can read more from Joy in the next issue of Sorted magazine and in its sister publication, Liberti. If you love penguins, you'll love this clip.

Divorce is ok if your spouse has Alzheimer’s… isn’t it?

Pat Robertson Photo credit: (Paparazzo Presents/Wikipedia)

Controversial televangelist (yes, that is a real word) Pat Robertson has caused uproar by suggesting that divorcing a spouse with Alzheimer's may be permissible.

During a question and answer session on The 700 Club, the show he hosts, Robertson was asked what advice should given to a viewer’s ‘friend’ who started seeing another woman after his wife developed the incurable disorder.

"I know it sounds cruel, but if he's going to do something, he should divorce her and start all over again, but make sure she has custodial care and somebody looking after her," Robertson responded.

Questioned by co-host Terry Meeuwsen about this view in relation to marriage vows, which are binding "in sickness and in health" and "for better or for worse", Robertson’s response is even more controversial.

"If you respect that vow, you say 'til death do us part,'" he said. "This is a kind of death."

Robertson, who is chairman of the Christian Broadcasting Network, founder of the Christian Coalition of America and a former Republican presidential candidate, said that he wouldn’t "put a guilt trip" on someone who decided to divorce their spouse because of the neurological disorder. However he added, as a sort of disclaimer, that viewers should "get some ethicist besides me to give you the answer".

My personal opinion is that this is wrong on many levels. Would we divorce a spouse who had cancer or had suffered a stroke? Would we split if our partner had sustained brain damage in a car accident? I hope most of us would answer with an emphatic NO.

I understand living with a partner who has dementia can be stressful and upsetting. The disease is an irreversible, progressive disease that gradually destroys memory and thinking skills, and, in the latter stages, prevents sufferers from carrying out the simplest of tasks.

But rather than getting shot of our afflicted partners, surely it would be better to ask for help and stick by our loved ones. The Alzheimer's Society offers expert help including day care and home care services and support for carers. And, as Christians, we should have a network of people we can call on for prayer and practical help. 

So what does the Bible say about this? 

1. Marriage is a lifelong commitment (Matthew 19:6)
2. God understands people will divorce, but makes it clear that it is not his will  (Malachi 2:16)
3. Jesus makes his views on divorce and remarriage (or an affair) very clear: “And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery” (Matthew 19:9). Therefore, if the viewer’s ‘friend’ is cheating, it is the wife who is entitled to divorce him, not the other way around

I’m not saying we should condemn divorcees (my amazing mother is sadly one) or Robertson, who I know next to nothing about. But I think if most of us search our hearts we would conclude that illness can never justifiably be grounds for divorce.

"The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control" (Galatians 5:22-3). Sickness continually roused Jesus' compassion and it should provoke the same reaction is us.

Here are some of the responses I saw to Robertson's views. Please feel free to add your own thoughts in the comments below:

"Sure - to the religious nuts marriage is sacred - until it is inconvenient. Don't let the gays marry but by all means divorce your spouse when they get sick!"

"So, just when the spouse REALLY needs help, you bow out."

"Any suggestions on how I make my wife get Alzheimer's???" 

"And this is why so many have no respect for religion and those like Pat."

"You can spin it whatever way you want but I find his advice shocking - I am an atheist and I take those vows to my spouse more seriously than Robertson does!"

"Wow.... shame on you Mr Robertson. You have just lost so much credibility by the reply. And it just goes against what is contained in the Bible. Again, shame on you."

Read more from Joy in the upcoming issue of Sorted magazine and in the next edition of its sister magazine, Liberti.

Laughter really is the best medicine

Photo credit: Christopher Dunne (Joy left, Reginald D Hunter right)

I recently watched a clip of Reginald D Hunter on BBC Breakfast and it reminded just how important laughter is. In the clip I saw, the American comic literally reduced presenter Sian Williams to tears.

A clip of his stand-up work offers insight into the Georgian’s 14-year experience of British life. Joking about the British penchant for irony and sarcasm, he says: “Sometimes a British person can insult me and it takes me three weeks to figure it out!”

But Sian's laughing fit actually begins before the clip is shown, when she and co-presenter Bill Turnbull first sit down with him. Impressed by the courteous way the American has introduced himself to Sian, Bill warns Reg against flattering her. “She’ll want it all the time,” he jokes.

“Really,” responds Reg in his suavest tones. “Wow man. Sounds like you know your way around women.” (It seems the comedian may have picked up some of our dry British irony himself.)

Sian collapses into peals of laughter, holding her stomach and wiping tears away – clearly picturing poor Bill as the alluring rake. Her poor co-presenter quickly changes the subject, but the damage is done; Sian’s guffaws can still be clearly heard.

I’ve met Reg myself, and I too was impressed by his offstage persona as well as his onstage presence. After an excellent set, he hung around outside the dingy pub to chat to fans, sign autographs and pose for photos.

As I posed with him, he asked me my name. “Joy,” I said, sheepishly. “I can see how that could be,” he replied instantaneously, smiling broadly and wrapping his leathery arm around my shoulder (his skin wasn’t leathery, he was wearing a leather jacket!). He was extremely patient, charming and witty with all of his fans.

I left feeling that the evening had been a great success, having befriended a dashing celebrity AND giving my abs a good workout (he was very funny). My boyfriend left rolling his eyes at how goony I am around famous people!

 Photo credit: Christopher Dunne (Jon Richardson left, Joy right)

All of the comedians I’ve come into contact with have given off this laid-back, welcoming vibe. Jon Richardson and Lloyd Langford were very sweet and giggly when we met them outside Liverpool’s Unity Theatre and Michael McIntyre was charming during the two seconds I got with him at a book signing. And Sorted favourites Tim Vine, Milton Jones and Andy Kind were all on top form when I had the privilege of interviewing them for the magazine.

Being around funny people certainly lifts the mood. According to the experts, laughter is a powerful antidote to stress, pain and disagreement. Humour can make take your mind off your problems as well as helping to keep you grounded, focused and alert. The Bible also makes the connection between good humour and health. Proverbs 17:22 says: “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.”

Photo credit: Christopher Dunne (Lloyd Langford left, Joy right) 

Read more from your favourite comedians in the upcoming edition of Sorted magazine. In the meantime, here are some great gags and groaners from this year’s Edinburgh Fringe Festival to get you in the mood. 

Five of the best:

1. Nick Helm: I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.
2. Tim Vine: Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.
3. Hannibal Buress: People say, ‘I'm taking it one day at a time’. You know what? So is everybody. That's how time works.
4. Tim Key: Drive Thru McDonalds was more expensive than I thought ... once you've hired the car ...
5. Matt Kirshen: I was playing chess with my friend and he said, 'Let's make this interesting'. So we stopped playing chess.

Five of the worst:

1. Tim Vine: Uncle Ben has died. No more Mr Rice Guy.
2. Vladimir McTavish: The Lockerbie bomber put Lockerbie on the map. Well he nearly took it off it too.
3. Josh Howie: I've got nothing against the Chinese. Don't get me Wong.
4. Card Ninja: I went to see this show and the guy said ‘Hey kid do you like magic?’ And I said ‘Yeah!’ So he asked if I wanted to see a trick and I said ‘Yeah!’ So he said ‘think of a number, times it by two and if it’s odd ...’ Oh no, he's a MATHmagician!  
5. Tom Webb: Due to the economy, profiteroles will now be called deficiteroles.