The children that could change our world

 Kimberley Hainey was convicted of murdering her son Declan this week.

That’s shocking in itself. But when you hear that this poor baby was regularly left in dirty nappies without food while Hainey was out enjoying herself and that his body was left rotting in his cot for months after his death, this tragic story takes on a whole new dimension. To add insult to murder, his mother then sold his clothes and toys to buy heroin.

Like Declan, Paul Apowida was left to die a long and painful death as a child. Born in Sirigu, Northern Ghana, Paul’s father died before he was born and his mother died shortly after the birth.

This was taken as a sign that he was possessed by evil spirits. A soothsayer decided Paul should be put to death to rid the community of this ‘kinkirgo’ (‘spirit child’), who would otherwise act as a jinx to those around him.

Baby Paul was fed poisonous herbs and would certainly have died if it hadn’t been for the intervention of Catholic nun Jane Naaglosegme. Sister Jane had set up a care home for ‘spirit children’ and patiently nursed him until the effects of the potentially fatal herbs wore off.

Then an amazing charity called AfriKids supported Paul through art college. Not only is he now a great painter, he is also a decorated soldier in The Rifles – the army’s largest infantry regiment.

 

But despite his military success, Paul hasn’t forgotten his shaky start in life. The first time he returned to his own village, Sirigu, five or six years ago, his townfolk were stunned to see that he was still alive. They never believed he would have survived childhood, let alone life on the frontline.

Reading stories like this makes my heart weep for the children like Declan and the hundreds of ‘spirit children’ who aren’t as fortunate as Paul. These children have been seriously let down; robbed of their futures, deprived of the love and care they deserve. I want to do something about it.

These stories also provoke in me a righteous indignation. How dare people take the lives of these children that God created? Psalm 127:3 says that children “are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward”.

There are many references in the Old Testament to God’s anger when it comes to child sacrifice and infanticide. “And they burned their sons and their daughters as offerings and used divination and omens and sold themselves to do evil in the sight of the Lord, provoking him to anger (2 Kings17:17-18).

And we should be angry: every child is precious and should be loved, cherished and nurtured. We should be looking out for the children around us, making sure they are being cared for properly, offering help if we see parents struggling, and intervening if we suspect ill-treatment.

As an AfriKids ambassador, Paul is helping to re-educate his countrymen and women about the mistaken ‘spirit child’ belief. He has also raised £40,000 for the charity through the sale of his paintings.

“God is using me to talk to people, to educate my community about what they are doing and to help change their ways,” Paul told Sorted.”You never know what a child will grow up to be.”

Paul’s words are all the more poignant as we prepare to celebrate the birth of a very special baby this Christmas. This one baby changed the fate of the world forever, and we shouldn’t underestimate the influence our own children may have if they are given the chance. 

Read more the full story of Paul Apowida in the next issue of Sorted magazine.

Boobs and banter, or dangerous drivel?

As a girl, I find it hard to avoid making eye-to-boob contact when I see lads’ mags in the local newsagent’s, so I can only imagine what it must be like for a hormonal male. You might think me prudish, but I don’t think the likes of Nuts, Loaded, Zoo and FHM should be placed within arm’s reach of our kids.

And it seems I’m not the only one. In February, a number of supermarket chains and petrol stations agreed to place lads’ mags on the top shelf and some even introduced modesty covers.

But it seems children aren’t the only people at risk from their content. What impact are these ‘soft-porn’ magazines having on their target audience (teenage boys and men)? And how do they affect men’s attitudes towards women, sexual abuse and domestic violence?

This may sound a little far-fetched, but a new study from psychologists at Middlesex University and the University of Surrey suggest lads’ mags could be legitimising and propagating hostile, sexist attitudes.

Psychologists presented men aged 18-46 with a range of statements, some taken from magazines and some from convicted rapists. The sources were only disclosed in certain cases.

When presented with descriptions of women taken from lads’ mags, and comments about women made by convicted rapists, most who took part in the study could not distinguish the source of the quotes.

Most men who took part identified themselves more with the language expressed by the convicted rapists. When told which quotes were from lads’ mag, they identified more with these, despite the fact some were actually taken from rapists. 

In a separate study, the researchers found that both men and women rated the quotes from lads’ mags as more derogatory than those from the rapists.

 
Dr Miranda Horvath, lead researcher at Middlesex University, said: “We were surprised that participants identified more with the rapists’ quotes, and we are concerned that the legitimisation strategies that rapists deploy when they talk about women are more familiar to these young men than we had anticipated.”

Dr Peter Hegarty, from the University of Surrey’s Psychology Department, added: “We are not killjoys or prudes who think that there should be no sexual information and media for young people. But are teenage boys and young men best prepared for fulfilling love and sex when they normalise views about women that are disturbingly close to those mirrored in the language of sexual offenders?”

Experts are calling for magazine editors to moderate the content of their magazines more effectively. Anna van Heeswijk, campaigns manager for human rights campaign group OBJECT, said: "This crucial and chilling piece of research lays bare the hateful messages which seep out of lads' mags and indoctrinate young men's attitudes towards women and girls.

“When the content of magazines aimed at teenage boys mirrors the attitudes of convicted rapists, alarm bells must ring.

“If we are serious about wanting an end to discrimination and violence against women and girls, we must tackle the associated attitudes and behaviours. This means tackling the publications which peddle them.”

What do you think? Are lads’ mags just a bit of cheeky fun? Or could they be doing real harm? Do you or someone close to you buy them?

You’ll have to excuse the shameless plug, but if you’re looking for a wholesome men’s magazine that is packed full of interesting interviews, reviews, sports news and practical lifestyle tips, why not give Sorted a try?

(Lads’ mag quotes were taken from FHM, Loaded, Nuts and Zoo. Rapist quotes were taken from verbatim interview transcripts in The Rapist Files: Interviews With Convicted Rapists (Sussman & Bordwell).)

Why Gary Speed is not alone

Photo credit: Jon Candy/Wikipedia

You may wonder why it took me so long to write about Gary Speed when his tragic death was announced more than a week ago.

It’s because I found the news extremely difficult to believe and digest. Having watched him on Football Focus the day before, I couldn’t accept that this man – with a young family and at the height of his career – could be dead. The realisation that it was suicide blew my mind. This was a man who was loved by family and friends, former teammates, colleagues and football fans across the world.

But whatever was going on behind the scenes, Gary was far from alone in the struggles he faced. According to the latest suicide figures from The Samaritans, men are much more likely to take their own lives than women.

Its research shows that in 2009, 4,309 men in the UK committed suicide compared with 1,371 women. In men under 35, suicide is the second most common cause of death in England and Wales.

So why are so many promising young men choosing to end their lives?

• Men are reluctant to talk about feelings. Some of the men in my life would literally rather die than bare their souls
• Men often find it difficult to ask for help. They feel as though they should be able to cope with life and that asking for help would compromise their manliness
• Because men tend to relate to each other through teasing and banter, some are afraid they will be mocked or not taken seriously
• Young boys are often told off for crying because it isn’t manly, and men are told to ‘man up’ if they show any signs of weakness
• Men who, like Gary, seem to be really thriving can put a lot of pressure on themselves. If something goes wrong they panic that their whole lives are about to collapse

The inability to discuss feelings and problems can lead to a distorted perspective of the situation. Rather than talk to a spouse, friend or doctor, many men bottle up their fears and constantly dwell on them. When the pressure becomes too great, ideas of suicide can creep in.

Some of the men choose to drink their problems away or escape into a world of sport or computer games – anything that helps them to suspend their fears. Others operate on a rewards system that they think will make them feel better, but actually have a very temporary effect (often followed by a deep sense of guilt).

So what can we do about this?

Avoid unhelpful and condemnatory statements. Some believe suicide is murder and a selfish act but if this is you, it’s probably best to keep these thoughts to yourself. Rather than treating the issue with disapproval or criticism we should be looking for ways to reach out, support and offer practical help.

Take good care of your friends. If you know someone who is going through a tough time, or a friend’s behaviour seems to be changing, don’t turn a blind eye. You don’t have to launch into in-depth discussions about feelings, just make yourself available, listen carefully and encourage your friend to seek professional help.

Offer hope. Whether your friend is a Christian or not, God is the answer. He wants us to live a full and fulfilling life, not one of fear and death. He is our father and friend; someone we can talk to and confide in. The Bible encourages each of us to give all of cares to God, because he cares about us (1 Peter 5:7).

Jeremiah 29:11 says: “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

However great someone’s life seems, we all have problems and we all need to know that there is hope. It’s our responsibility to love and pray for the people in our lives and to point them in the right direction(s).

You can call CALM (0800 58 58 58) or The Samaritans (08457 90 90 90) if you or someone you know needs help.

The most memorable memoir I've read

Photo: Ian Morgan Cron

Photo credit: Thomas Nelson Publishers

I’ve found some of the Christian books I’ve read a bit cringey. Sometimes the subject matter is good but the writing style is poor or the super-spiritual authors are too far removed from my own experiences to be useful. Some have made me feel like I’m swimming through treacle, which sounds delightful but in practice is pretty hard work (and extremely messy).

So when I was sent Ian Morgan Cron’s book Jesus, My Father, the CIA and Me, I wasn’t sure what to expect. It was described as a “memoir of sorts”, which didn’t fill me with hope as I’d never even heard of him. But right from the opening chapter I was drawn in. The writing style was modern, captivating and extremely evocative. In fact, the more I read the more I enjoyed it. 

One warning I’d give you is that this memoir should not be read anywhere you might encounter strangers. You will laugh out loud. The story about the “angel”, for example, perfectly captures his fearful, childish imagination. I laughed until my abs hurt.

That’s not to say it’s an entirely comfortable read. It’s likely your laughter will be blended with tears at times (unless you have a heart of stone). However, it’s the lightness of the amusing anecdotes juxtaposed with the painful memories that brings the book to life.

Ian shares tales from his childhood as though they happened yesterday and the descriptions are so vivid you feel as though you have lived through them with him, both the good and the bad; that you know him intimately despite having only met him in the world of print.

It’s his willingness to bring to life the sadness, rejection and humiliation with as much clarity as the more recent, delicious memories of time spent his own children that give the book a rounded, true-to-life feel.

“Every life contains episodes we’d rather not remember, no less commit to paper for others to read, but this is what the memoirist must do or their work will ring false,” explains Ian. “Besides, would you trust a memoir that didn’t include painful or embarrassing moments? Would it even be worth reading?” 

The book reveals deep flaws in the relationship between Ian and his father; however there were also some positives to be drawn. His father was a voracious reader who loved beautiful prose. He gave Ian a Merriam Webster dictionary as a going away gift when he left for college, writing in it: “Words—learn to love them”. Ian says: “It’s spooky that he wrote that not knowing I would one day become a writer; or did he know all along? (Play spooky music here!)”

This relationship also made him think seriously about his own role as a father. He has worked extremely hard to ensure his children are loved, encouraged and protected – the evidence of this leaps out of every sentence he writes about his three kids, as well as his ever-patient wife Anne.

“The relationship I have with my children couldn’t be more different than the one I had with my father,” he comments. “For example, I am not afraid to tell my children that I’m sorry when I’ve hurt them or wronged them somehow. My father never would have dreamt of apologising to his children.

“I’m also very physical with my children. I hug them as often as I can. I think that’s terribly important for dads to do.”

Ian became a Christian as a result of hanging out with a bunch of young believers who invested time, effort and money in him – probably developing a few grey hairs in the process. He wasn’t an easy nut to crack; like most of us before we met with God he had “issues”.

But the dedication of these young Christians who accepted him just as he was and were genuinely concerned about him really touched his heart. Having experienced this unconditional friendship, his advice is to treat all people as precious human beings, whatever their backgrounds and beliefs.

Jesus, My Father, the CIA and Me is available across the UK and is worth every penny. His blog is also a great read.

Read more from Joy in the next issue of Sorted magazine.

The armed robber who’s giving something back

Photo credit: Darrell Tunningley

When I was in primary school, I was still playing shops with my plastic till. Slightly older than me, my brother Stephen was pretending he was He-Man. But if Darrell Tunningley had been there, I imagine he’d have been stealing my chewy hamburgers and coercing He-Man into a vicious battle disguised as his arch nemesis, Skeletor.

Because by the time he reached double-digits, Darrell was fast descending into a dangerous downward spiral. By the age of 11 he was boozing it up and dabbling with drugs. Before long he had graduated to stealing cars, selling narcotics and generally getting up to no good.

The arrests started during his teens and it was clearly only a matter of time before he’d be doing hard time. After committing an armed robbery and thinking he’d got away with it, the young criminal found himself in serious trouble. He was sentenced to a five-and-a-half year stint.

Prison life wasn’t too different form life on Knottingley’s Warwick Estate, where he’d grown up. Having built up a reputation for himself on the outside, no-one was going to mess with him on the inside. He was known for extreme violence, and anyone that crossed him was treated to a generous portion of it.

This is not the kind of guy you’d imagine going to an Alpha Course to learn about Christianity. But after dispatching one aggressive knockback to the guy that invited him, Darrell realised attending the course could actually be a handy skive. He dragged a few friends along and plonked himself in front of the two decrepit nuns in charge of the series.

Initially hostile, Darrell eventually realised there was something special about these women. Not only was he overwhelmed by their love and patience, he actually started to listen to what they were saying. He began to realise God wasn’t as irrelevant as he’d always thought and he suddenly felt he needed answers to the many questions he’d harboured over the years.

After pouring his heart out to this God he’d heard so much about one night in his cell, he expected some kind of lightning bolt revelation but nothing happened. He went to bed feeling rather disappointed.

But the next morning things were very different. Not only did he feel a strong aversion to the cigarettes he’d smoked and the drugs he’d taken for many years, he started to experience a feeling of intense euphoria. The prison chaplain explained to Darrell that Jesus had given him a completely clean slate; that his past had been dealt with and he had been forgiven. He instantly and openly renounced drugs and violence.

This opened him up to certain risks, but overcoming the dangers and difficulties with God’s help only strengthened the sense of peace and joy he was feeling. He rang his former accomplices and told them he was ‘out’. He and several inmates who had also become Christians knew they’d been handed a fresh start and weren’t about to waste it.

Darrell feels God instantly started intervening on his behalf. He was moved to another prison and downgraded from category A (maximum security) offender status to a category C, despite having two years left to serve. He was also asked to lead the prison’s Alpha Course.

The response was incredible and the chapel – which held 500 – was constantly packed. New drug units were opened to cater for the growing numbers of men that had given their lives to Jesus and decided to kick the habit.

Before he was released, Darrell was contacted by Mark Finch, a pastor at church and community centre Hope Corner in Runcorn. Against the better judgement of his Scouse friends, he felt Runcorn was where God wanted him to be. He now spends a good deal of time with the local youth; the next generation of potential drug dealers and armed robbers.

Convinced he would already be dead if his life hadn’t changed so dramatically, Darrell feels hugely privileged to have been given a second chance in life. Not only is he a husband and father, he is now able to show youngsters like himself what it really means to be a man.

Read more about Darrell’s incredible turnaround and work at Hope Corner in the next edition of Sorted magazine, and in Darrell’s book, Unreachable.

Cow-a-bunga bunga: Berlusconi bows out

I’m a big fan of comedy, even though it can be a bit close to the bone at times. People often criticise comics like Frankie Boyle, who is known for his foul language and politically incorrect humour. I don’t go to see him because I don’t think he’s funny, but if you’re easily offended, it’s best to give him and others like him a wide berth.

But what about jokes you can’t avoid hearing? Imagine turning on the telly and hearing David Cameron making offensive quips. Ok, so that would never happen… But if you were Italian you could (until now) have expected this on a regular basis from Silvio Berlusconi. If he’s not doing something illegal, he’s saying something that should be. He makes Wubya sound like a silver-tongued rhetorician, as these five ‘Berlusconisms’ show.

1. “When asked if they would like to have sex with me, 30% of women said 'Yes', while the other 70% replied, 'What, again?’”
2. “All of us have a homosexual part of 25%, which I also have. The only thing is that I, after a profound examination, have realised that my homosexual part is lesbian.”
3. “Ah, Barack Obama. You won't believe it, but the two of them sunbathe together, because the wife is also tanned.”
4. “I am the Jesus Christ of politics. I am a patient victim, I put up with everyone; I sacrifice myself for everyone.”
5. “An Aids patient asks his doctor whether the sand treatment prescribed him would do any good. 'No,' the doctor replies, 'but you will get accustomed to living under the earth'."

And it’s not just his words that have got him in hot water; the now former Italian Premier has been constantly in the papers for his sexual endeavours. Allegations of “bunga bunga” parties (don’t ask) and sex with prostitutes have been rife.

The crusty Casanova has also been charged with some pretty serious offences including: false testimony, links to the Mafia, bribery, illegal financing of a political party, false accounting, embezzlement, tax fraud, corrupting a judge, abusing state flight benefits and child prostitution.

He’s avoided conviction for many of these, mainly on technicalities, but perhaps that says more about his Mafia connections than the accusations do. And then there are the times he has been found guilty and changed, or tried to change, the law to get himself off.

So how on earth did he stay in power for so long? Technically, he’s been sworn in four times! Well, Mafia connections aside, he was a wealthy businessman before coming to power. His company, Mediaset, dominates Italian print and television media and he also owns seven-time European Cup/Champions League winners AC Milan.

My theory is that Italians were initially seduced by his ‘charismatic’ approach, a stark contrast from that of his predecessor Romano Prodi, who was a much quieter (and less mental) leader. I think some admired his wealth, his ability to “get away” with things and his prowess with the ladies. I don’t want to suggest he and Hitler are similar in any way, but his hypnotic hold over people, like Hitler’s, is hard for me to comprehend.

At best, Berlusconi is an utter buffoon. At worst, he is a dangerous, narcissistic pervert who got away with it for far too long. Public opinion has finally turned sour, but it’s worrying that countries are still voting for people whose private lives are toxic and public lives are little better.

Thomas Jefferson famously said that “people get the government they deserve”. Whether this is true or not, we do have a responsibility to get involved with what’s going on in our country and beyond; to vote when we’re given the opportunity and to stand up and be counted when we feel our leaders are getting it wrong.

Most importantly we should pray for our current and future leaders; that God will spare us from ending up with the government we really deserve.

 

Read more from Joy in the upcoming issue of magazine Sorted and in its sister publication, Liberti.

All change

Photo credit: Coconut85/Wikipedia (Hernandez in his Mexico strip - couldn't bring myself to use a United shot)

I was watching the highlights of the Everton v Man United game on Match of the Day last Saturday when something commentator Guy Mowbray said caught me completely by surprise.

Evra had just supplied a superb ball into the box, providing an easy tap in for Javier Hernandez (Chicharito). It was practically unmissable (unless you’re Fernando Torres, that is).

Following the goal, the young Mexican ran away, slapping the hands of his teammates in celebration. And then he did something we quite often see foreign players do; he lifted his hands heavenwards and thanked God.

This was encouraging to see, but it isn’t what made me jump. It was Guy Mowbray’s comment on the striker’s simple act of thanksgiving that did.

The commentator simply said: “Prayers answered. Thank you for the cross.”

Now I’m not too naïve to realise that he was attempting to voice Hernandez’s feelings and that the “cross” he referred to was Evra’s and not the one on which Jesus died. But it was a great bit of unintentional evangelism none-the-less.

This reminded me of a time a few years ago on the London underground. I was nearly at my destination when I heard some equally startling words. The voice over the intercom blurted: “Kings Cross. All change at Kings Cross.”

These words had a similar effect on me. It was truer than the announcer could possibly have realised! When Jesus, the king of kings, died on the cross, everything – and I mean everything – changed. Forever.

But that’s not it. The “all change” was significant too. To me it reflected the fact that everyone who approaches the cross of Christ can be transformed; our lives can be turned upside down and inside out (in a good way). And the best news is that this change is not just long-lasting; it’s eternal.

Now I’m not suggesting God is using subliminal messages to speak to us through football commentary or tube announcements – although there’s no reason why he shouldn’t. But it’s interesting that even in the most secular of settings, God’s word is inadvertently filtering through.

Maybe it will eventually touch the hearts of some of London’s toughest commuters and even the most debaucherous footballers. I’m not holding my breath over some of the England squad, but everything is possible with God!

Read more football-related content in the next issue of Sorted magazine.